But I've been doing the best I have EVER done! The past month, I purged TWICE, one was preceded with a binge. Small binge. Less then 1000 cals. But, what I'm scared of is that I haven't had my period in two months. I'm not pregnant (impossible since my boyfriend and I aren't having sex), and I haven't been "bulimic." (Technically, the definition of a bulimic is one who binges then purges in some way at least twice a week continuously for like 3 months or something...so yay for me.) Then one of my (don't know if I should call her friend or not since she kindda turned her back on me but whatever) told me perhaps its because of my eating disorder. Which at first shocked me, because I didn't know she knew I may still had it. But maybe she didn't. She knows I used to. Or maybe she's found this diary, which would way suck so bad, because then everyone will know it. And they can all point and laugh at me, the fat cow.
And also something reeally hurt me, (not like this girl hadn't torn my heard out already) said that fat people shouldn't procreate because they'll spread their fat genes. I find this hypocritical, especially since her boyfriend's mother isn't skinny mini. But I felt like she said it towards me, although she most likely didn't. But she's obviously has an eye out for me, she knew before someoen else who I actually do talk to, that I had undeleted my other diary for some music communities. In a way I'm tired of her doing that. I feel like she's waiting for me to do something so she can twist it around.
Also what I'm scared of to, today I blacked out twice. Just BAM fell to the floor. But I'm eating fine, seriously, and not over exercising. So what's making my period so late and what's causing my blackouts? Could it be EDs still???
Also I have had absolutely NO appetite. I ate a small breakfast, and I dont' even think about eating until Matt says something about it. And then of course I eat, because I know I SHOULD be hungry, but I"m just not. And no food is desireable. Not even COOKIES, and I'm a cookie FREAK!