firedrill (sevenyearsold) wrote in binge_and_purge,

happy story!

hi everyone,

i just wanted to let you know my story since it's turned out to be a good one. this is inspired by a famliy member that's going through a very rough time with bulimia... i'm not close enough to her at all to talk to her, i'm sure it wouldn't help, but i thought maybe i could lend you some words of encouragement.

i've never actually been bulemic. i'm not sure if i could have ever been really considered anorexic, maybe. this community is actually what kept me from ever trying to make myself throw up a meal. i used to be so close to just losing it and doing it, but i would go to the computer and look at this website and read about all these girls who absolutely hated this disease and struggled with it daily. it brought me back to reality and reminded me that this was not the way to get to be how i wanted to be. i would still go for several days at a time on just a few hundred calories, if i could get away with it... i was extremely secretive about it, when i finally told my mom about what i had gone through (after the fact) she was completely shocked, and had no idea any of this was ever going on.

whether or not i was anorexic, i was constantly thinking about food, and every time i ate anything i felt guilty. this is how it was for about four years (high school). looking back, i think that the problem was that about half the girls at my school were white rich kids who had eating disorders themselves, and though it was never said out loud, being skinny was vital. then i went to college, and the girls were so different. not all of them of course, but the majority of them were (are) healthy and beautiful girls who are never afraid to eat.

i gained the notorious freshman fifteen, which i was extremely upset about, but at the same time i wasn't thinking about food all the time anymore. i ate meals without thinking that i was being a bad person, and it was wonderful. i can't stress enough how fabulous it is to finally have this huge weight lifted off my shoulders, to no longer be thinking about how fat i am every second of the day, and to be happy to eat.

now i'm in my sophomore year and i've practiced eating healthy for a while and have lost most of my extra weight. i'm not stick skinny, and i still wish i was skinnier, but i no longer have the compulsion to starve myself, and i never ever think about throwing up anymore.

another thing that helped me was finally telling somebody about my problem. before i told my mom i told my boyfriend. i was always so afraid of anyone knowing, but once somebody did, it was no longer just my problem to deal with by myself. somebody knew about it, and knew that they had to look out for me, and if i started to slip, there would be somebody to keep me in line.

the point of me sharing this with you is to give you a couple of words of advice, and hopefully they can help you. if you're looking at colleges, or for a new environment/place to live, surrounding yourself with skinny skinny girls is going to make things harder. every day i see so many gorgeous girls who have all kinds of bodies, but rarely the skinny kind that this disease made me want to be. it will teach you that skinny is not the source of beauty.

secondly, if you're as secretive as i was, telling somebody about your problem, or even just hinting at it, can be a huge load off. i was so scared for anybody to know because i was afraid that they would try to stop me. my boyfriend told me that i was beautiful and that i should tell my mom about my problem.

life is so much better without this negative aspect surrounding my every move. thank you all, and the best of luck to you.
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