Vivica's Vanilla Distress (vivicavanilla) wrote in binge_and_purge,
Vivica's Vanilla Distress

  • Mood:

trying to be strong....

 So, this morning my step-mom offered me a Cuban sandwich. I fucking LOVE those, havn't had one in a long time and lost weight this week. I've been exersizng and eating well... Why not, I'll have half. My dad sees and tells me I shouldn't eat it. Bread, ham, pickles, mustard cheese; really it's not that bad... and I had a small half..  I explain my rationale and he just scoffs at me like I'm a fucking fatass. They have been eating fried shit, CAKE and ice cream and I have denied it all. God forbid I actually enjoy anything. 

My day goes on, I've eaten nothing but vegetables and hardly any at that. Asside from the sandwich my calories are low. I've exersized and I pop in the kitchen and say "man I'm hungry, I want something good."  

Pop pipes up "didn't you already ruin that by having the sandwich earlier??"

"Dad I've hardly eaten anything all day, I'm hungry and how bad could that sandwich be??"

"I don't know you are the one trying to watch what you eat"

"So you are telling me I don't deserve anymore food today??"

"I don't know, you already cheated and ate that sandwich"

I'm on the verge of tears I regret grabbing a grapefruit. Rationally I'm aware there's nothing "bad" about that choice but today my dad just made me feel awful about food. The thing is I'm trying so so hard to be healthy and do things the right way. Eventhough I know he doesn't MEAN to say it that way.. He knows about my ED issues in the past and his insensitivity just makes me wish I never had to eat.

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